Putting my chemo schedule in God’s hands
I’m a rules gal. I strive to organize the details of life so that they follow a pattern I can count on. Don’t get me wrong — I love moments of surprise and spontaneity. One of the trials of this cancer experience has the days that were far from normal and that don’t fall into a routine. That’s why I have been somewhat relieved to have the chemo schedule, because it is predictable.
So today, when I went to get my blood checked to make sure I was good to go for Monday’s chemo, I was surprised to learn that I am more immuno-compromised right now than I was last week. Last week is when my white and red blood cell count were supposed to be at their lowest. It’s hard to know why my counts are low now, although it isn’t something that really concerns my doctor. The issue is that my body may not be ready to receive chemo on Monday. If that’s the case, I’ll receieve a shot of Neulasta that cranks up my bone marrow to make red and white blood cells. Supposedly it makes you feel like you have the flu — great. I would then receive my chemo on Wednesday or Thursday. My oncologist is not at all concerned about the delay of a couple of days.
I was a bit frustrated and upset at first because I thought, “Lord, do you have to take away the comfort of this new routine, too?” We had thought out that Mondays would be best for our family but this could move us to a permanent Wednesday chemo schedule, causing us to reorganize child care situations and such. Okay, Sara, this can change and it’s not a big deal.
I realized later in the day that all these little details are in the Lord’s hands. He is the master of timing. Maybe he has a purpose for me to receive chemo on Wednesdays that I can’t yet see. I have to be willing to surrender all of my comforts to him. Do I trust him, even in some of these minor things that frustrate my plans?
As before, we still covet your prayers for my chemo:
1) For active cancer cells. These cells have to be active for the chemo to find them and then kill them. Fry cancer cells, fry!
2) I will likely have minimal side effects from the chemo like I did last time. That would be a nice bonus this go-around.
3) Grace and perseverance for Chris and all those who are caring for our children while I am recovering.
4) My hair has started to go. I will get it all shaved off on Saturday or Sunday by a friend to ease the stress of seeing it go strand by strand. Would you pray that I will get over this emotional change swiftly and just accept the change with grace?
Thanks, gang, for hanging in there with us for this journey. You are precious to us and we are so grateful for you even if we don’t personally e-mail you back.
Sara
Sicks Pax 
on March 28, 2008 on 7:39 pm
Sara, you are such a trooper!
Love and prayers,
Alina
on March 28, 2008 on 8:08 pm
Sara
We are continually thinking about you and will lift up these requests.
we love you
Carrie and Matt Brown
on March 29, 2008 on 3:32 am
Oh Sara,
We will continually be in prayer for you, as Sammy calls you – “Mommy’s cancer friend.” 🙂 I pray that Saturday or Sunday (when you get your hair cut) can be a day of joy and laughter as was your first day of chemo. You are constantly in my prayers, friend.
Tracey
on March 29, 2008 on 7:14 am
I’m one of the most control-oriented, predictability-needy people I know, so I can so relate to your need for routine, even if I can’t relate to your situation right now. I, too, will be praying for your continued peace about the many unknowns from day to day, and that God would keep giving you little gifts in answers to the “whys” — and that He would give them just when you need them most.
And like Tracey above, I hope the head shaving can be more about laughter than tears, because it won’t change the beautiful person that you are! And if the chemo is powerful enough to zap the hair, it must certainly be powerful enough to zap the cancer!!
We won’t stop praying,
Liz
on March 29, 2008 on 1:22 pm
Sara, I pray that you won’t have to have a Neulasta shot, but it’s not the end of the world if you do. Just be prepared to have a lot of aches and pains mainly in your extremities, particularly the legs, or at least that was my experience. If you have to change your routine and have chemo on Wednesday, that just means your down time is over the weekend rather than the end of the week. To paraphrase Prov 16:3&4, “Man proposes, but God disposes.”
Dottie
on March 29, 2008 on 2:30 pm
Sara,
No gal could look cooler with a shaved head or funky scarf than you, my friend.
When mom had chemo in 2001 her wig looked better than her normal hair. I told her when her hair came back she would need to color it to match the wig!
Valerie
on March 31, 2008 on 11:42 am
Love you Sara – Please call us for anything. We loved visiting with you the other day. Praise God for your caring and supportive church community. I am sure you will be as beautiful outside as you are inside, even with a change in your hairdo :). We are privileged to be able to pray for you and think of you often! Love, Gretchen, Jeff and Cole
on March 31, 2008 on 11:50 am
Sara and Chris,
I’m printing out this post and will pray specifically on all four requests. Thank you for the way you are sharing about this.
We send you all our love from Goochland County, VA!