In the wilderness: emotions up and down, and God speaks tenderly
I thought I’d give folks a snapshot of how we’re doing these days.
Chemo was harder last week than the first go around. Thankfully the effects last for about four days so you can count those down. For me, the harder road is the emotional and spiritual side effects of this cancer–the battle in my brain. I go up and down, back and forth, and at times I feel like the waves in an ocean. A friend of ours just wrote on this blog a quote from a pastor named Rob Bell: “Maturity is when your convictions and beliefs drive the bus and tell your thoughts and feelings ‘you sit there’.” Pretty cool. I would love this to be true of me all the time. Our friend Sarah credited us with living out this quote but I am not so sure that is accurate (sorry Sarah!). So I guess my prayer request would be that it would be true of my heart and that I would not be so subject to my emotions.
Our pastor Tom Holliday preached yesterday that God leads his bride into the wilderness to speak tenderly to her (from Hosea). Wow. It had not occurred to me that he allowed this so he could speak tenderly to me. Tom said that when we are in the city our ears can get plugged and we can’t hear the Lord. So at times, God leads us out to the desert where we able to listen to him. Well, the Lord certainly has my attention in this wilderness and I want to fully hear and receive the words he wants to share. Speak tenderly, Lord, speak!
More to come soon on bad wig days and my journey to find a different wig. You know how it is… women and our hair…. well, it can get complicated. We’ll also share pics!
Love, Sara
Sicks Pax 
on April 7, 2008 on 7:31 pm
Sara Dear,
Thanks so much for your keeping in touch with so many who love and pray for you. I cried a little when I read about your hair cutting- I remember the loss I felt when Ginger’s was cut. then shaved, very similar to yours. We should have thought of mimosas!
One thing is that you are now halfway through the AC part! THAT is a huge milestone. We celebrated each step that was moving us closer to the END of the treatment. One at a time.
Ginger has at last finished the chemo, was supposed to start another (oral I think) anti-estrogenic drug, but instead ended up with some trouble from a few years ago, looked serious, but praise the LORD, IT WAS GALLBLADDER and she had it removed today. It was,amazingly for her, a simple surgery, laparoscopic, so she should recover fairly easily, and next week she will, if all goes well, get rid of the BEASTLY expanders, which she loathes, detests, etc. I guess you get the idea.
We are praying for you and remembering your chemo days. I hope you are doing well, feeling ok and able to enjoy your precious family again. How lovely that your little girl couild participate in an otherwise doleful event- but you have made it sweet and memorable!
Much love to you from me and Ginger, who is mostly sleeping tonight. But she asked me to check your blog and read it to her. Please give your Mom a big hug and lots of love, also to your Dad and Melissa, Ashley, and whoever knows me!!!! Many blessings, Martha
on April 8, 2008 on 9:40 am
Dear Sara: I think you are doing marvelously. A journey you would never pick. A disease you thought would never happen. Medicine that makes you so sick. And yet, from it, your faith is stronger. Your capacity to love is greater. You are sharing in the Resurrection and Passion at the same time. Life never quite happens like we think it will. And yet, with His help, we go on. Praying for you. Love, Marge
on April 8, 2008 on 10:22 am
Sara — I so appreciate that you’re not trying to give us the Superwoman version of things. Your honesty in sharing the struggle between your beliefs and the reality of how feelings and emotions sometimes get the best of you is something I can certainly relate to.
After having traveled overseas, I couldn’t help but notice that people in poor countries seem to suffer so much better than we do, especially the Christians from poor parts of the world.
I am somehow always heartened by the fact that “some doubted” (Matt: 28:17), even after they had seen our Lord resurrected! It seems that God knew we would all be plagued by doubt at times, and when I let my emotions and feelings overwhelm me, there’s always an element of unbelief involved.
You are not alone Sara. I pray that God would give you complete faith in your beliefs and not let your emotions drive the bus!
Great post.
on April 9, 2008 on 7:58 pm
Sara,
I just wanted to say, catching up on your blog, that you are LOVELY. Inside and out. Glorious is the Lord who comforts us in our struggles, and you are such a testimony to His great faithfulness.
You are in my heart across the miles…
Susan Galvin (for the whole clan here)