Do I have to be so dependent?
To be quite honest, I wish I didn’t have to depend on God so much. One of the reasons I didn’t want to be stage 3 was because I wanted the best odds of being healed by man, rather than depending fully on God for my healing. (I have chosen not to know any of my “odds,” by the way, so please refrain from commenting here about ANY of that. Stage 3, by the way, is curable). But the fact of the matter is that I need him desperately on many fronts: to heal both my body and my sin. For my peace. To battle my fears and to see my situation through the lens of his reality.
I suppose I am being shown God’s reality — that we were created to need him and depend on him fully. I am so accustomed to relying on God AND my gifts and resources. But he has removed everything else and only his mighty hand remains.
The fact of the matter is that God is the sustainer of my life (Psalm 27), and he has determined the number of my days before my life began (Psalm 139). My job is to believe these Truths, not any “truths” about the percentages or odds. If you choose to pray for me, would you please pray that I am enabled to believe what God has said to me and not what my fears say? Also, that I will rest in those promises and surrender to him. When I surrender to him fully, that’s when I find peace. Peace is possible when we allow God to rule areas of our lives. God’s ruling our circumstances and our peace are directly linked.
These battles of the mind are the areas that I fear much more than the tough chemo in the next six months. (Chris has said that he’s more concerned about my heart than my body.) May Christ be victorious in the battle for my mind — and in my body.
Sara
Sicks Pax 
on February 26, 2008 on 12:47 pm
I will pray as you’ve asked. Thanks again for sharing this with us Sara.
on February 26, 2008 on 5:07 pm
Hello my old friend! I am sorry that we get to reconnect this way and not in another. I just found out about your blog, but we have been praying constantly for you and Chris and for your children since we heard about this (the day of your surgery). Fear, imagination, and the battle for the mind has been “Topic 1”!
How familiar I am not only with the battle against fear as it relates to cancer, but with struggle for the kind of trust you’re talking about. I’ve been praying about this too—much more than I can write here.
We have enthusiastically joined the army and the battle on your behalf and send our love.
on February 27, 2008 on 12:01 pm
Sara,
After reading this posting my prayer for you last night and again today has come straight from Romans 15:13.
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.”
I pray dearly that God will help you overcome your fears. But more than that, I pray that the Holy Spirit will cause you to “overflow with hope” – because that’s how awesome our God is!
You continue to be in mine and Deedle’s and prayers as well as that of our bible study from Church. Please let us know if we can help in any way with you or your family’s needs over the coming weeks and months We are not that far from Fairfax hospital so if we can take the kids for a couple of hours at any given time or on a regular scheduled basis we’d love to do so. Just let us know when and where.
on February 27, 2008 on 9:21 pm
Sweet friend Michelle just let me know of your trial and of the blessing you have been to many who live a life on the edge of their own disaster. Know that you are in my prayers and I love you.
on February 28, 2008 on 3:35 pm
“Why are you so downcast, O my soul?
Why so disturbed within me?
Put your hope in God,
for I will yet praise him,
my Savior and my God.”
Psalm 42 and 43
I love you honey, Mom
on February 29, 2008 on 1:13 pm
Dear Sara,
I am a member of your Mom’s book group and wanted you to know how deeply touched I am. You obviously have an extraordinary faith. May it and those who care about you give you the great strength that you need. (Please include me among those who care about you and your Mom!)
on March 4, 2008 on 12:06 am
Sara & Family,
I’m so happy to hear about the PET scan results, Praise the Lord! We’re really praying your treatment process and for you to heal and feel better every day!!
I really like Philippians 4: 13 “I can do everything through HIM who gives me strength.” When I have thoughts that make feal fear I think that this verse really helps me to keep going! I hope you like it! And as you said, the Lord is the sustainer of our lives!!
We send you our love,Blessings and we’ll keep praying!
Kenneth & Family