Do I have to be so dependent?

To be quite honest, I wish I didn’t have to depend on God so much. One of the reasons I didn’t want to be stage 3 was because I wanted the best odds of being healed by man, rather than depending fully on God for my healing. (I have chosen not to know any of my “odds,” by the way, so please refrain from commenting here about ANY of that. Stage 3, by the way, is curable). But the fact of the matter is that I need him desperately on many fronts: to heal both my body and my sin. For my peace. To battle my fears and to see my situation through the lens of his reality.

I suppose I am being shown God’s reality — that we were created to need him and depend on him fully. I am so accustomed to relying on God AND my gifts and resources. But he has removed everything else and only his mighty hand remains.

The fact of the matter is that God is the sustainer of my life (Psalm 27), and he has determined the number of my days before my life began (Psalm 139). My job is to believe these Truths, not any “truths” about the percentages or odds. If you choose to pray for me, would you please pray that I am enabled to believe what God has said to me and not what my fears say? Also, that I will rest in those promises and surrender to him. When I surrender to him fully, that’s when I find peace. Peace is possible when we allow God to rule areas of our lives. God’s ruling our circumstances and our peace are directly linked.

These battles of the mind are the areas that I fear much more than the tough chemo in the next six months. (Chris has said that he’s more concerned about my heart than my body.) May Christ be victorious in the battle for my mind — and in my body.

Sara

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