Seeking God for more than healing

It is right to seek the Lord at this time for healing. It is right to beseech him and fervently ask him for this. I am doing this every day and I ask you to do the same on my behalf. But, I seem to have gotten stuck here. At times I can’t see beyond the question, “Lord, is it your will to heal me?” I am not at all questioning whether he can heal me, but I am worried whether he will.

I know I need to move beyond this point. I believe the Lord wants me to pursue him first and foremost for relationship and fellowship with him. When I pursue him just for him, he meets me there, he comforts me, loves me, gives me rest and peace, and shows me his beautiful face. It’s here that he offers me his presence. He has not yet revealed the answer to my pressing question. The time for that answer has not yet arrived. I need to wait patiently and let him work.

I do believe that one of the reasons for this cancer is to knock out all the other props in my life and show me that the Lord is the only one who sustains my life and is the only one whom I can completely trust. My strength lies in trusting this way. He is at home in my weakness, he is drawn to my weakness and he supplies me with his great and mighty strength. That is how I want to live right now–resting in Him, believing in what he has revealed about his character and looking to his face rather than believing my fears. I don’t want to “waste this cancer” (see Feb 6 post below). As John Piper points out in that article, I want to work with this cancer. To work with the Lord as he uses cancer to accomplish great things in my heart.

-Sara

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