The question of God’s goodness

I have wrestled with this question a good bit this year, and I imagine you have as well during times of your life.

We were just given two great gifts. Yesterday, for a few hours we wondered if our son had diabetes (I am a diabetic). I spent a few hours wrestling with God and shaking my fist in a don’t-you-dare-do-this-to-us-this-year type of fashion. Thankfully we were able to test Campbell’s blood with my tester and see that he is not a diabetic. First blessing.

Then, this morning we learned that a long-time builder friend of ours is going to purchase and install badly needed new windows on our house (we would not be able to afford this on our own). Wow! What blessings and amazing abundance! God is good!

Here’s the thing: When I am being honest, I want God to be good primarily because of his blessings–not because of who he is. If I had my choice, I would choose a life that includes 8 hours of uninterrupted sleep each night, children who obey my every word, a pedicure twice a month, comfortable finances, and gifts of free windows for my home on a regular basis. There is a part of me that longs for this kind of life, free from any challenges. I won’t go into it here, but these longings are the beginning of a longing for heaven.

It’s tempting to say “God is good!” only when we’ve received recent blessings (and we should be praising God for them). But was God any less good in January when I was diagnosed with breast cancer? Is God still good when children die of malaria and all sorts of terrible tragedies happen daily?

Author Dan Allender discusses this topic in his book, “Bold Love”: “If God’s goodness is looked for primarily in turns of fortune–a car screeches to a halt a few inches from your child, a check comes in the mail at the right moment from an unknown friend, a diagnosis of malignancy is found to be incorrect–then the verdict on His heart toward us will always be pending on the arrival of a new set of facts.”

The fact is that the foundation of God’s goodness is his forgiveness of his wayward children; that he rescued us while we were running away from him in pursuit of our own way. The Lord has brought this truth to me this year, and upon first re-examination (all my basic theology has been tested this year), I was not too thrilled. I want God first to be good because he blesses me, and then I want him also to be good to forgive me. The first seems like a bigger deal than the second. But the reality is that my forgiveness is a FAR BIGGER DEAL. “His goodness shines bright in the light of his redemptive love,” says Allender. I still have a ways to go in realizing my great need of forgiveness for my sin, which is the cancer of my soul.

Is God good because he just gave us these two beautiful blessings? Yes he is! But our recent “fortune” is not the basis for his goodness. God’s sending his son, The Rescuer, to earth to walk the same paths that we do today, to suffer greatly and to offer his life so that we could have a relationship with our Father the way we were created to, and that I can wear Christ’s robe of righteousness on a daily basis–that’s the real reason God is good.

-Sara

Chemo is done!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

Hooray, hooray, hooray!!  I finished my last chemo today!  More soon on what is to come. … But in short, I start radiation in September and I will be on miracle drug Herceptin (administered through my port) until Spring 2009.  We are so overjoyed to pass this huge mile marker.  Thanks for your prayers, encouragement and love, and as always, thanks for checking in with us.

Love, Sara

Summer blessings, treatment update and a prayer request

We have had a great few weeks and are enjoying the summer. It has gone a lot better than I thought it would (energy wise) and I have had a lot of good time with the children, Chris and dear friends. At the end of July, we had a great visit with my parents and sister’s family in Fredericksburg, VA. The children thoroughly enjoyed their cousins and daily time at the pool. Also, I joyfully turned 38 last week (it was great to turn the page on a difficult 37th year). Lastly, we really enjoyed attending my 20th-year high school reunion this past weekend. The Lord has done some really cool things in the lives of some of my classmates. It was neat to hear their stories and to connect with others that I didn’t know very well. I felt the Lord’s leading in several conversations and that was so cool.

Here’s the latest on my treatment schedule: My last chemo will be August 25th and I am terribly excited about this date. I will begin radiation in mid-September for 6 weeks. I will soon pursue trying to get into a promising medical trial using osteoperosis drugs to protect your bones (breast cancer most often recurs as bone cancer). Lastly, I will continue to receive Herceptin (a miracle drug) treatment through early spring 2009. More to come!

So here’s my prayer request: Some of you may remember that I had a minor surgery back in June. Because I am on chemo, my incision still has not yet healed. The final stitches were just removed last week and the incision is beginning to open further. It has been a bit disconcerting to have an open hole (or two) in your skin for the past 3 months. Not only am I tiring of caring for it so meticulously, but I don’t want this to delay the beginning of my radiation. Radiation tends to begin 3 weeks after your last chemo. While they are willing to wait one more additional week for it to heal, they won’t wait any longer. Would you please pray that my incision heals completely soon so that I can begin radiation on time? For those who have been praying for my ability to sleep — thank you! — I have had much improved sleep in the past 2 weeks. As always, thank you for your prayers, encouragement and commitment to us!

Love, Sara

Our circumstances and our hearts

“Now to him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

These verses have always been some of my favorites—words that give great hope and excitement. In my mid- to later-20s, I read these passages a lot as I prayed for a husband, and the Lord certainly provided in my husband Chris. More than 10 years later, I have reflected on these verses again during my battle with breast cancer. I realize now that I have always viewed these verses only in regard to circumstances. I still believe that they can provide hope when we long for help with a particular circumstance. But, I now think these words are more about the incredible things God can do in our hearts—in the midst of our circumstances. The verses that precede these all refer to our hearts and our inner being, not our circumstances.

Through this ordeal with cancer, I am witnessing changes in my heart as a result of the direct intervention of the Lord—changes that are quite stunning and above what I could have imagined he could do. I know the Lord is turning me into a different woman and I am thankful. God receives glory—i.e. he is seen for who he really is—when people are transformed by presence in their lives. It is always inspiring to witness the peace, contentment and joy certain believers possess as they face trials. They are an inspiration to all of us and hopefully create a longing in our hearts for the same possessions.

May we all surrender to him the circumstances of our lives, whether they be paper cuts or the blows of a sledge hammer. We need him for both. Let’s let him accomplish what he’s after, which is always “exceedingly, abundantly above all we can ask or imagine.” It’s a tall task to surrender but he will create in us this ability if we ask. Then our job is to witness the exciting and incredible plans he has for us, sometimes in our circumstances and always in our hearts.

Lastly, I have a couple prayer requests for my “circumstances.” I am feeling mostly pretty good but naturally, my blood levels (white blood count, red blood count and a host of other elements) are declining as a result of 4-5 months of chemotherapy. This is very normal for cancer patients under treatment and is a good sign that lots of good and bad stuff is being killed in my body. Would you pray that the Lord would protect me from illness while I am immuno-compromised and that I wouldn’t dip too low? Also, I am having trouble sleeping even though I take prescription sleep meds. As I type, it’s 1:30am and I am awake. I know I need plenty of rest during this time so it’s frustrating to be awake! Thank you for your prayers and for checking in with the Sicks family!

Love, Sara

Beach & Wedding Photos

Here are some pics from our recent vacation at Lake Michigan, and from Brennan & Kate’s wedding. (Brennan is Chris’ brother.)

Sara just finished week 18 of the chemo, only 6 to go!

Less Like Scars

I was thunderstruck yesterday when listening to a Sara Groves song in the car called “Less Like Scars.” I have never had the experience of thinking a song was written for me, but this one takes the cake. This song is now a personal treasure so I thought I’d post the lyrics below.

In other news … I’ve completed 4 of 12 “chemo lite” rounds and it’s cool to be 1/3 of the way into this regimen. For the most part, I’m feeling well but am still healing a bit from my minor surgery two weeks ago (the healing process takes longer when you’re on chemo). Chris’ cousin Amanda leaves on Wednesday and we’re all going to miss her a ton. Lastly, we figured out today that my favorite chemo nurse lives right around the corner from our house and has three kids around the same ages as ours. What a cool thing the Lord seems to be doing.

Thanks for checking in with us! Love, Sara

Less Like Scars

It’s been a hard year
But I’m climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it’s…

Less like tearing more like building
Less like captive more like willing
Less like breakdown more like surrender
Less like haunting more like remember

And I feel you here
And you’re picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
look less like scars and more like character

Less like a prison more like my room
Less like a casket more like a womb
Less like dying more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

Just a little while ago
I couldn’t feel the power or the hope
I couldn’t cope, I couldn’t feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out
Hoping you would come

And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you…

And I feel you here
And you’re picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
look less like scars
And more like character

To listen Click Here

The Rescuer

Over the past 5 months the Lord has used Scripture as well as a number of great books to speak tenderly to me and to teach me about his character. One of the books that has deeply affected me has been our children’s Bible, “The Jesus Storybook Bible” by Sally Lloyd-Jones. This version of the Bible beautifully goes through many stories and speaks at a child’s level. It also takes well-known Scripture and puts it in different language, which can wake you up and see truth from a different angle. My special love for this book probably tells you a lot about my need to review the basics right now!

To silence and move me, the Lord has especially used a certain name for Jesus. He is repeatedly called The Rescuer. And God’s redemptive plan through Christ is called the “Secret Rescue Plan.” I have become so used to referring to Jesus and his salvation by other terms that these terms have caused me to think long and hard. Because to be quite honest, I sometimes forget that I need rescuing. I know full-well that I need rescuing from my cancer, but the “cancer of my heart” (sin) required a much larger rescue plan. This rescue is God’s first priority in my life, even though he cares deeply about my body as well.

If I can borrow our pastor Tom’s thoughts from a recent sermon … all it took were Christ’s words to create this incredible planet and creatures with all their diversity. But it took Christ’s blood to rescue (or redeem) his children. One flick of God’s wrist to create the galaxy—death on a cross to rescue. This was God’s secret rescue plan all along so that we could run toward him rather than from him.

The Lord has been using my cancer experience to teach me more about His great rescue plan. May the Rescuer also use life’s experiences to teach you the same.

Physically speaking, I am recovering well from my minor surgery (see previous post). Although this chemo regimen is easier, it still has some side effects, which at times can be challenging emotionally and physically. I can see tiny hairs beginning to grow in my thinned-out eyebrows, which is kind of cool. So for the most part, I am doing well and am being encouraged by my Rescuer and his children.

Love, Sara