Our circumstances and our hearts

“Now to him who is able to do exceedingly, abundantly above all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21

These verses have always been some of my favorites—words that give great hope and excitement. In my mid- to later-20s, I read these passages a lot as I prayed for a husband, and the Lord certainly provided in my husband Chris. More than 10 years later, I have reflected on these verses again during my battle with breast cancer. I realize now that I have always viewed these verses only in regard to circumstances. I still believe that they can provide hope when we long for help with a particular circumstance. But, I now think these words are more about the incredible things God can do in our hearts—in the midst of our circumstances. The verses that precede these all refer to our hearts and our inner being, not our circumstances.

Through this ordeal with cancer, I am witnessing changes in my heart as a result of the direct intervention of the Lord—changes that are quite stunning and above what I could have imagined he could do. I know the Lord is turning me into a different woman and I am thankful. God receives glory—i.e. he is seen for who he really is—when people are transformed by presence in their lives. It is always inspiring to witness the peace, contentment and joy certain believers possess as they face trials. They are an inspiration to all of us and hopefully create a longing in our hearts for the same possessions.

May we all surrender to him the circumstances of our lives, whether they be paper cuts or the blows of a sledge hammer. We need him for both. Let’s let him accomplish what he’s after, which is always “exceedingly, abundantly above all we can ask or imagine.” It’s a tall task to surrender but he will create in us this ability if we ask. Then our job is to witness the exciting and incredible plans he has for us, sometimes in our circumstances and always in our hearts.

Lastly, I have a couple prayer requests for my “circumstances.” I am feeling mostly pretty good but naturally, my blood levels (white blood count, red blood count and a host of other elements) are declining as a result of 4-5 months of chemotherapy. This is very normal for cancer patients under treatment and is a good sign that lots of good and bad stuff is being killed in my body. Would you pray that the Lord would protect me from illness while I am immuno-compromised and that I wouldn’t dip too low? Also, I am having trouble sleeping even though I take prescription sleep meds. As I type, it’s 1:30am and I am awake. I know I need plenty of rest during this time so it’s frustrating to be awake! Thank you for your prayers and for checking in with the Sicks family!

Love, Sara

Less Like Scars

I was thunderstruck yesterday when listening to a Sara Groves song in the car called “Less Like Scars.” I have never had the experience of thinking a song was written for me, but this one takes the cake. This song is now a personal treasure so I thought I’d post the lyrics below.

In other news … I’ve completed 4 of 12 “chemo lite” rounds and it’s cool to be 1/3 of the way into this regimen. For the most part, I’m feeling well but am still healing a bit from my minor surgery two weeks ago (the healing process takes longer when you’re on chemo). Chris’ cousin Amanda leaves on Wednesday and we’re all going to miss her a ton. Lastly, we figured out today that my favorite chemo nurse lives right around the corner from our house and has three kids around the same ages as ours. What a cool thing the Lord seems to be doing.

Thanks for checking in with us! Love, Sara

Less Like Scars

It’s been a hard year
But I’m climbing out of the rubble
These lessons are hard
Healing changes are subtle
But every day it’s…

Less like tearing more like building
Less like captive more like willing
Less like breakdown more like surrender
Less like haunting more like remember

And I feel you here
And you’re picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
look less like scars and more like character

Less like a prison more like my room
Less like a casket more like a womb
Less like dying more like transcending
Less like fear, less like an ending

Just a little while ago
I couldn’t feel the power or the hope
I couldn’t cope, I couldn’t feel a thing
Just a little while back
I was desperate, broken, laid out
Hoping you would come

And I need you
And I want you here
And I feel you…

And I feel you here
And you’re picking up the pieces
Forever faithful
It seemed out of my hands a bad situation
But you are able
And in your hands the pain and hurt
look less like scars
And more like character

To listen Click Here

The Rescuer

Over the past 5 months the Lord has used Scripture as well as a number of great books to speak tenderly to me and to teach me about his character. One of the books that has deeply affected me has been our children’s Bible, “The Jesus Storybook Bible” by Sally Lloyd-Jones. This version of the Bible beautifully goes through many stories and speaks at a child’s level. It also takes well-known Scripture and puts it in different language, which can wake you up and see truth from a different angle. My special love for this book probably tells you a lot about my need to review the basics right now!

To silence and move me, the Lord has especially used a certain name for Jesus. He is repeatedly called The Rescuer. And God’s redemptive plan through Christ is called the “Secret Rescue Plan.” I have become so used to referring to Jesus and his salvation by other terms that these terms have caused me to think long and hard. Because to be quite honest, I sometimes forget that I need rescuing. I know full-well that I need rescuing from my cancer, but the “cancer of my heart” (sin) required a much larger rescue plan. This rescue is God’s first priority in my life, even though he cares deeply about my body as well.

If I can borrow our pastor Tom’s thoughts from a recent sermon … all it took were Christ’s words to create this incredible planet and creatures with all their diversity. But it took Christ’s blood to rescue (or redeem) his children. One flick of God’s wrist to create the galaxy—death on a cross to rescue. This was God’s secret rescue plan all along so that we could run toward him rather than from him.

The Lord has been using my cancer experience to teach me more about His great rescue plan. May the Rescuer also use life’s experiences to teach you the same.

Physically speaking, I am recovering well from my minor surgery (see previous post). Although this chemo regimen is easier, it still has some side effects, which at times can be challenging emotionally and physically. I can see tiny hairs beginning to grow in my thinned-out eyebrows, which is kind of cool. So for the most part, I am doing well and am being encouraged by my Rescuer and his children.

Love, Sara

Minor surgery & new chemo round is going well

Hey gang –

I had minor surgery today to help with a weird development located around the site of my mastectomy. Basically, my skin is so thin that it tore causing the plastic port from my reconstruction expander to become visible. Also this hole had become a little bit infected. So today the the plastic surgeon removed that port with the hope that the hole will now close. Would you pray that the skin heals, that hole goes away, and that my infection leaves through an antibiotic I’m taking?

Also, I began my new round of weekly chemo last week and this regimen is much better than the last. There have been minimal side effects so far, which is great! I’ll be on this one until mid-August.

Lastly, Chris’ cousin Amanda has been here for a week and will remain for another 2 1/2 weeks. She has been a huge help with the kids and the daily operations of our household. She is a great blessing!

God continues to teach us many things and to provide for our needs. Thanks for checking in with the Sicks gang!

Love, Sara

Caterpillars, butterflies and a new round of chemo begins

“Any transition serious enough to alter your definition of self will require not just small adjustments in your way of living and thinking but a full-on metamorphosis. I don’t know if this is emotionally stressful for caterpillars, but for humans it can be hell on wheels. At times you may feel it’s the end of the world. Just remember that what the caterpillar calls the end of the world, God calls a butterfly.” -Martha Beck

A good friend of mine shared this quote with me and I love it. I think if caterpillars could talk we’d hear lots of painful shrieking and confusion in our backyards: “My skin! It’s so tight! It’s falling off … what is happening here? Why in the world am I building this silk cave cave around myself? Why is it so dark in here? What in the world is happening to me?” Before these caterpillars know it, they are transformed into totally different creatures that are very different than the old ones but are beautiful to behold. Their new identity and reality is what God intended them to be all along but it came at a price.

That’s how I feel about this season in life. God is transforming me into a different woman (thank goodness!). I am not suggesting that I am going to look like a butterfly but simply that metamorphosis is painful and hard work for all of us. The Refiner is passionate about turning us into something beautiful—someone he had in mind when he created us in our mothers’ wombs. He wants us to look more and more like his son Jesus. He has great plans in mind, and needs to turn us into different people for those plans to come to their fruition. So let’s let him have His way with us when he allows circumstances that change us. “Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen.” Ephesians 3:20-21.

On another note, I start my new 12-week round of chemo on Monday, June 2nd. This chemo (Taxol, combined with an amazing new drug called Herceptin) is supposedly a lot easier to take and doesn’t have as many side effects. Chris’ cousin Amanda comes in on Sunday, June 1st for 3 1/2 weeks to help us with the kids and such. What a blessing! God continues to provide for us internally and externally. He is good.

Thanks for checking in with the Sicks family and for your faithful prayers!

Love, Sara

Yucky chemo done & Happy Anniversary

It’s really cool to feel like I’m starting to make progress through my treatments.  The 4th and final of the hard chemo is done and “chemo lite” starts in the beginning of June.  That means I’m about half-way through chemotherapy!  Last week was a bit easier than I had thought but lasted longer than expected.  It was a huge blessing to go to my folks house for tons of rest and quiet.  I also was able to spend some good time with my parents.  And now it’s good to be back in the saddle at home with Chris and the kids.

Chris and I are celebrating our 9th anniversary this week — hooray!  While Chris’ folks were here, we went to an incredible French inn near Middleburg, VA from Monday-Tuesday.  Not only did we feel like we were in France, but the 4-star restaurant in the inn was out-of-this-world wonderful.  We had fun eating, shopping in Middleburg, and enjoying the luxury of being with each other without children.  What a blessing!

Much love and gratitude for your prayers and checking in with us.

Sara

4th round of chemo on Monday

Hey faithful gang –

I have my 4th and final round of kick-you-in-the-pants chemo on Monday, May 12th. Although I will start a whole new round of chemo in June that will last for the whole summer, I am quite thankful that the really hard stuff is almost over. Hooray!

We have mentioned this before, but if you are so inclined, we always appreciate prayer: active cancer cells so that the chemo can identify them and blast them!; grace during the side effects; smooth week for the family; and being open to what the Lord wants to communicate with us.

Chris’ folks are in town for a few weeks, which has been great. I head down to my parents’ house for a few days for this round of chemo so I can recover in peace and quiet and then rejoin the family at the end of the week.

I am grateful tonight for the privilege of being a mother of three incredible kids, wife to an amazing husband, and being surrounded by the Body of Christ. These blessings take my breath away and are daily reminders of Jesus’ abundant love for me.

Love,

Sara