“Causing you to hunger…”

Here are two words, which do you prefer?
Suffering, or Glory?

None of us want suffering in our lives, right? But it’s remarkable how intertwined these two concepts are in scripture.

Was it not necessary that the Christ should suffer these things and enter into his glory? (Lk 24:26)

Jesus was explaining to the confused disciples that his death was not a deviation from God’s plan, although it was contrary to their plans. They thought they were getting a Messiah king who would overthrow Roman oppression and lead them back the glorious days of David and Solomon.

Instead, they got a guy who touched lepers, spoke to adulterous Samaritan women and ate with the rejects of society. Then, he was executed with a couple of criminals. No wonder they were bummed out on Easter morning.

We, too, would prefer glory to suffering, but scripture repeatedly tells us that you can’t have one without the other. Think of Joseph–sold into slavery, imprisoned wrongly, but eventually running all of Egypt. Think about Ruth and Naomi. And Hosea’s cheating wife Gomer, who brought into the home children that weren’t his. And King David hiding in caves from his own murderous son. And the Egyptian first born, slain while the Jewish children slept.

And those 40 years in the desert. Talk about suffering. But it was suffering that God brought upon them for a purpose. Note that God caused them to hunger, for two reasons:

He humbled you, causing you to hunger and then feeding you with manna, which neither you nor your fathers had known, to teach you that man does not live on bread alone but on every word that comes from the mouth of the LORD. (Deut 8:3)

His reasons were 1) To humble them, to shake them out of their self-reliance and make them fully dependent upon God. And 2) To teach them that they needed more than bread to live, more than material resources. That a glorious life is one lived in full reliance upon the Creator.

Sometimes we need to suffer to remember this, to be made helpless enough to seek divine assistance. But he loves us enough to cause our hunger, our suffering. Because that’s when we see the glory of the One who suffered everything, so that we can endure hardship in the secure knowledge that we are safe in his loving hand. Safer and more loved than we ever knew before the suffering came along.

-Christopher

Dealing with Fear

A week after Sara was diagnosed with cancer, she woke me in the middle of the night, sobbing and trembling, overcome by fear as she cried out to me: “I don’t want to die!”

The reality of having cancer was bad enough, but uncertainty about the future has been one of her fiercest battles during this journey.

Where can you look, when the present is full of bad news, and the future looks even worse? I think Psalm 77 may have some answers. It was written by Asaph, a man appointed by King David to lead worship before the Ark of the Covenant. He was a performer and a worship leader, he sang and played instruments as a part of his ministry in the tabernacle (1Chr 15)

He was also the composer and publisher of psalms. He wrote 12 psalms himself, and he collected and distributed King David’s music (1 Chr 16:7-37).

So, we have this important man doing “kingdom work” every day of his life. He is close with King David, and his job is to sing, write and play music to the Lord. You might think he’d be a happy man without many problems, right?

Clearly not. Look again at how the psalm opens:

¹ I cried out to God for help; I cried out to God to hear me.
² When I was in distress, I sought the Lord; at night I stretched out untiring hands and my soul refused to be comforted.

Just like Sara, Asaph was having trouble sleeping at night because of his problems. We don’t know what he is going through, perhaps an illness, or a rebellious teenager. Whatever it is, he is really distraught.

³ I remembered you, O God, and I groaned; I mused, and my spirit grew faint.
⁴ You kept my eyes from closing; I was too troubled to speak.
⁵ I thought about the former days, the years of long ago;
⁶ I remembered my songs in the night. My heart mused and my spirit inquired:
⁷ “Will the Lord reject forever? Will he never show his favor again?
⁸ Has his unfailing love vanished forever? Has his promise failed for all time?

In his distress and sleepless anxiety, he begins to doubt God. This Levite priest, this man who sings the praises of God each day of his life, he questions whether God can or will help him. “Will the Lord reject me forever?” he wonders. “Is this situation ever going to get better? Has God’s unfailing love vanished forever?” Look at that. Has his unfailing love failed? He acknowledges God’s great character, and doubts it—all in the same breath.

And then he starts to blame himself, and doubt God’s compassion for him.

⁹ Has God forgotten to be merciful? Has he in anger withheld his compassion?”

Maybe God’s mercy has run out. Or he is too busy and doesn’t notice that I’m suffering down here. Or, maybe God is there, but he won’t help me. He has forgiven me so many times for so many things, maybe I pushed him too far the other day. Maybe he’s dropped me from his list. Maybe it’s all my fault.

Asaph is struggling. Today is confusing him. It’s difficult. And tomorrow is scary. For some people, tomorrow is terrifying, wondering if your child is going to get things right, what the lab results are going to say, or where the next meal is going to come from.

So where can you go when you are overwhelmed with anxiety? A lot of the people I encounter in my work struggle with addictions—alcohol, drugs, bad relationships. Disappointment and anxiety trigger relapses into bad habits. Folks who are addicted to something have a habit of seeking comfort there, so when life gets hard and things don’t go right, that is where they instinctively turn.

Where do you turn? This time, at least, Asaph doesn’t turn to food, alcohol or another false comfort—he looks to the past. Lost in his anxiety, the past is the only concrete thing Asaph can cling to. He begins preaching—to himself.

¹⁰ Then I thought, “To this I will appeal: the years of the right hand of the Most High.”
¹¹ I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago.
¹² I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds.

Asaph appeals to “the years of the right hand of the most High.” I love that. He ponders God’s right hand—the hand of action. He thinks about that hand that created the universe, that crafted human beings, that parted the Red Sea. He forces himself to remember what God has done.

Asaph doesn’t understand today, and tomorrow is scary, so he reviews what has happened to God’s people in the past. Notice that in verses 1-9 it’s always I, me and my. He is consumed by his problems and focused on himself. But from verse 10 on, he turns his thoughts from himself to God, and God’s faithfulness to all his people, not just Asaph.

Asaph doesn’t just remember these past events, he meditates on them. To meditate is to contemplate deeply and continuously, to ponder. You may think of a Buddhist monk, sitting cross legged and chanting a mantra. But the purpose of Eastern meditation is to empty your mind, while Godly meditation is filling your mind with the truth of God. True meditation is a spiritual discipline, when you marinate your mind in the Word of God, when you float in His Living Water and let it wash over you. When you do that, the anxiety and fear that consumed you are pushed to the corners of your mind, and put in perspective.

Sara has been devouring scripture like never before, and has said repeatedly that God’s Word is the one thing sustaining her during this trial.

¹² I will meditate on all your works and consider all your mighty deeds.

Asaph is forcing himself to stop thinking about his present problems, and focus instead on God’s past deeds.

¹³ Your ways, O God, are holy. What god is so great as our God?
¹⁴ You are the God who performs miracles; you display your power among the peoples.
¹⁵ With your mighty arm you redeemed your people, the descendants of Jacob and Joseph.

Asaph tells himself about God’s character, and his faithfulness. He preaches the truth to himself.

Preaching to yourself is not whistling in the dark. It isn’t mustering up the courage to get through a tough time, or pretending things aren’t as bad as they are. It isn’t a self-help, and it isn’t just some cliché about God being good and nice. “Oh don’t worry, God will take care of everything.” Oh, good. You’re right. I’ll stop worrying now.

It is more than that. It is intentionally turning your thoughts from your circumstances and pressing concerns, and thinking instead about the character and faithfulness of God. It is meditating on his good works in history, so you can understand the present and future more clearly.

For more on this idea of looking up at Christ instead of down at your circumstances, download Tom Holliday’s sermon from Feb. 24.

Thanks for being with us on this journey. It means more than you know.

-Christopher

Will God Heal?

A couple of weeks ago, Sara was reading Psalm 103, and asked for my opinion on a verse:

2 Praise the LORD, O my soul,
and forget not all his benefits–

3 who forgives all your sins
and heals all your diseases

“Can I take this as a promise that God will heal me?” Sara asked. Good question. In our doubt and fear and anxiety, scripture has been a great encouragement. God’s promises mean a lot when everything else is shaking loose. But what to make of Sara’s question?

Particularly challenging for us was the memory of a dear friend, father of two young children, full-time in ministry to college students, cherished by his wife…well, he died of cancer about 3 years ago. If the Lord could take him, why not Sara? And if this young man died, what do we make of “heals all your diseases“? That didn’t seem to hold true in our friend’s case. What do these words mean in Sara’s case?

I’ve come to a few conclusions. First, this psalm was written by David. He had experienced God’s healing when he was very sick. (Psalm 30.) He knew that God was capable of healing. That’s conclusion #1 — with David we follow a God who can heal.

But he doesn’t always heal. David’s first-born died. (2 Samuel 12:13-25) Our friend died. So, why, we ask, does it say God “heals all your diseases“? Here’s an interesting thing I learned: when you find sweeping, grandiose promises like this in the Old Testament, promises that go far beyond human experience or capability, then you are being pointed to Christ. David spoke about God from first-hand knowledge, but he also spoke of things he didn’t fully understand. David wrote of his descendant Jesus who would come to forgive all our sins, and heal all our diseases. Christ’s suffering and victory mean that we will one day live in perfect bodies that will never be sick, will never perish. That’s conclusion #2. Although our friend did not receive physical healing in this life, he now dwells in perfect painless peace forever.

Does Psalm 103 tell us anything about Sara, her cancer and her prognosis? No. It wasn’t written about her. It was written about the God who can, does and will heal. As we face the uncertainty of battling cancer, and are threatened by doubt and fear, God’s Word is providing us with solid rocks of Truth to depend upon.

-Christopher

PET Results, Chemo Plan

Just returned from the oncologist, and the great news is that the PET scan found no signs of cancer in other parts of Sara’s body. We are delighted, and grateful. Sara will share more about that in a moment.

As a guy, I figure some of you want to know more about the nuts and bolts of treating Sara’s cancer. It’s actually quite amazing the stuff they can do, and how many treatments have been developed very recently.

On March 10, Sara will begin chemotherapy, followed by radiation and two other treatments. Here’s what the plan looks like:

First, 4 treatments of AC chemo occurring every three weeks (12 weeks). This is the kick-your-butt & make you sick chemo.

Next, Taxol & Herceptin every week for 12 weeks. Won’t make her as sick.

Next, daily radiation treatments for 6 weeks.

Next, Herceptin doses every three weeks for 39 weeks.

Next, Tamoxifen pills daily for 5 years.

Thanks for the prayers and encouragement. We are glad to be at the point where we know everything, and can move forward into battle against this thing.

-Christopher

Sara’s Doing Well

Hey everyone,

Thanks once again for the flood of prayers, messages and love. It’s overwhelming and very comforting. It’s Wed afternoon. Sara is on her way down to Fredericksburg to be mothered by her mother and recuperate until Monday.

What we know is that the doctor removed three tumors about 2 cm in size, and at least 3 lymph nodes with cancer. She is HER2 positive, which means her cancer is more aggressive than others, but there’s also a new treatment that’s like smart bomb attacking HER2 positive cancers. So on balance that’s good. We don’t know her stage yet, and she’s very anxious that she might be stage 3 or 4. We’ll get a pathology report in a few days and will really know more when we meet with the oncologist on Tuesday. It’s likely she’ll begin chemo in about two weeks.

Thank you for all the comments. Sara loves hearing from all of you. It’s amazing how an event like this can reconnect you with people you haven’t seen in ages. Yet another blessing.
God is very kind to us.

-Christopher

Surgery’s Done

Sara had her mastectomy this morning, and the doctor also removed a number of lymph nodes that contained cancer. This is what Sara had feared most, so please pray for God’s peace and comfort as we plan for chemotherapy and other treatments. She may have a PET scan soon to look for cancer in other parts of her body. Further updates will be posted here as we know more.
She was very calm and upbeat this morning when we arrived, so please pray that she would be sustained and strengthened by the Lord despite her disappointment about the lymph nodes. Many thanks, -Christopher

My Grandma

Hey everyone…my grandmother died yesterday. Irene Sicks was 84 yo, married to Ernie for 65 years. (Wow.) The timing is interesting, because my parents are flying here to Alexandria on Monday. My dad (Don) will need to fly to Chicago later this week for the funeral. He’s the eldest, so please pray for him and his siblings Carol, Glenn and Bob as they plan the service with Ernie and mourn the loss of Irene.

Here’s a pic from summer 2007 in Michigan.

-Christopher