Thoughts on suffering

Oh boy, what a topic. I am quite a novice on this topic and I know I have a lot more to learn. But one of my biggest “aha!” moments came earlier this year as I was pondering suffering and how hard it is to understand that God often chooses it to accomplish his goals in his followers. But there was a time without suffering, when things didn’t have to be this way. Suffering comes from the Fall, not from the Garden of Eden. It was there that God invited us to live in sweet fellowship with our Creator, forever. It was life in the King’s palace.

But Adam and Eve chose life outside of the palace by choosing their own path. They decided to try living independently. However, the life of joy and peace is one that is utterly dependent on God. We just don’t like that, we want to be autonomous, self-sufficient. But if we are to look more like Christ, we have to live dependent upon the Father, and that includes suffering. Big changes in our lives often take place in the crucible of suffering. But suffering was not part of God’s original creation. It exists because of human choice. Learning this made me a lot less angry with God.

It is through the crucible of suffering that we can change and slowly become more beautiful and more like the people we were intended to be. I heard a story once about an interaction between Mother Teresa and one of the people she served who had lived a life of suffering. She told him that his afflictions were kisses from Jesus. His retort: “Could you tell Jesus to stop kissing me so much?” I feel a bit like this man this year. Suffering ain’t fun and it isn’t something we would choose. But is it effective? Yes, it is. I wonder what this year would have been like if I wasn’t diagnosed with cancer. I am quite grateful for Christ’s close presence, the reality of who he is and what he has done. I’m grateful for God’s stunning provision for us and showing me that I can trust him. I wouldn’t trade those precious jewels that I received through suffering. I knew a little about these things beforehand but now they go so much deeper. I have a lot more to learn. If you are suffering too, don’t waste your suffering. If you are like me, my goals are often just to get through the day so that it is behind me, but God has so much more in mind for these days of hardship. May God have his way with us so that we turn into the people we were meant to be, people who are joyful and satisfied with our place in God’s family (we are his beloved!)

In other news … I am a little bit past the half-way point in radiation, which is quite cool that the end to the major treatments is just two-and-a-half weeks away (if I don’t have to go into surgery before I finish). I started the bone trial last week and was assigned the drug Zometa. This is an osteopeorosis drug in the Bisphosphonates family and is being tested to see if it can help prevent recurrence in the bones for breast cancer patients. It is administered intravenously every 4 weeks for the first 6 months and then every 3 months for the next 2 1/2 years. I am quite grateful to have access to such cutting-edge drugs. Also, a little prayer request: I have had a twitch in my left eye for nearly 2 months now. The doctors say it could be stress related and might very well be around for a while and then go away. I am very aware of this little annoyance and I need God’s help to get through it, or it would be great if he took it away! Lastly, Chris’ folks are here for 3 weeks and have been quite busy taking care of the kids and with house projects. God provides!

Love, Sara