Putting my chemo schedule in God’s hands

I’m a rules gal. I strive to organize the details of life so that they follow a pattern I can count on. Don’t get me wrong — I love moments of surprise and spontaneity. One of the trials of this cancer experience has the days that were far from normal and that don’t fall into a routine. That’s why I have been somewhat relieved to have the chemo schedule, because it is predictable.

So today, when I went to get my blood checked to make sure I was good to go for Monday’s chemo, I was surprised to learn that I am more immuno-compromised right now than I was last week. Last week is when my white and red blood cell count were supposed to be at their lowest. It’s hard to know why my counts are low now, although it isn’t something that really concerns my doctor. The issue is that my body may not be ready to receive chemo on Monday. If that’s the case, I’ll receieve a shot of Neulasta that cranks up my bone marrow to make red and white blood cells. Supposedly it makes you feel like you have the flu — great. I would then receive my chemo on Wednesday or Thursday. My oncologist is not at all concerned about the delay of a couple of days.

I was a bit frustrated and upset at first because I thought, “Lord, do you have to take away the comfort of this new routine, too?” We had thought out that Mondays would be best for our family but this could move us to a permanent Wednesday chemo schedule, causing us to reorganize child care situations and such. Okay, Sara, this can change and it’s not a big deal.

I realized later in the day that all these little details are in the Lord’s hands. He is the master of timing. Maybe he has a purpose for me to receive chemo on Wednesdays that I can’t yet see. I have to be willing to surrender all of my comforts to him. Do I trust him, even in some of these minor things that frustrate my plans?

As before, we still covet your prayers for my chemo:

1) For active cancer cells. These cells have to be active for the chemo to find them and then kill them. Fry cancer cells, fry!

2) I will likely have minimal side effects from the chemo like I did last time. That would be a nice bonus this go-around.

3) Grace and perseverance for Chris and all those who are caring for our children while I am recovering.

4) My hair has started to go. I will get it all shaved off on Saturday or Sunday by a friend to ease the stress of seeing it go strand by strand. Would you pray that I will get over this emotional change swiftly and just accept the change with grace?

Thanks, gang, for hanging in there with us for this journey. You are precious to us and we are so grateful for you even if we don’t personally e-mail you back.

Sara