Pathology Results
I have a story to tell before I reveal the results of my pathology report.
It has been an intense battle leading up to today. Being officially staged was a big part of that battle. I have been telling the Lord that I did not want to be stage 3 and we wrestled about that one quite a bit. I have felt that he was preparing me for stage 3 and I have been furious with him about that. I told him he was cruel for that.
I knew the Lord wanted me to trust him completely but I was scared what that would mean. Because he knew that staging was a huge deal to me, I believe he needed to assure me in a special way. Today, the Lord gave me two different assurances that I was going to survive this and that I was going to be healed. One was through Scripture, Jeremiah 29:11: “For I know the plans I have for you,’ declares the Lord, ‘plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you a hope and a future.”
The other experience was quite a bit more specific and mind blowing. I am supposed to follow him where he is leading and trust what he is doing. I won’t go into specifics on this blog. But let me be the first to say that I am not a woman who freely “speaks” with the Lord or has direct assurances by Him. I believe that God uses the Scriptures to speak to his children. But the word came with such clarity and certainty and it will likely be the only time I will ever hear such a specific assurance from him.
I feel he is hinting that he is in the process of building a life-long ministry and needs me to go through all of this in order to make me into the woman he wants me to be. Suffering does that, doesn’t it? It has sometimes occurred to me that God is trying to make me into an oak tree. “They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord for the display of his splendor.” Isa 61:3
But I quickly retorted, “I don’t want to be an oak tree! Can’t I be a bush or a nice dogwood tree? Surely you can make a ministry out of that?!”
So, I had to say all of this before revealing my pathology result, which is: I am indeed stage 3. The surgeon removed 3 cancerous masses that added up to 7.5cm. Seventeen lymph nodes were removed, seven of which were cancerous. My diagnosis had been DCIS, but because the bulk of the cancer was invasive, my diagnosis changes to IDC (invasive ductal carcinoma).
I can’t say that I am really “psyched” that he is doing this, but here we are. I know that my work is to believe what he has said and trust him with what he doing. The strength to do this does not lie within me. It is ONLY by God’s strength that I am able to walk one inch of this journey.
Thursday morning we have a PET scan at 8:30am to look for cancer in other parts of the body. This is found 15% of the time. I am feeling confident about remaining Stage 3.
Chemotherapy is likely to begin on Monday, March 10. We’ll get more details on that soon.
I have been overwhelmed by your prayers on my behalf. Today was a bit of a blow but the Lord was so good in ordering it the way he did. He is good and he is with me. To God be the glory!
Love,
Sara
on February 19, 2008 on 10:24 pm
Once again I’m praising God for the faith He’s building in you and will pray right alongside you with great hope for the future!
We love you.
C (and T)
on February 19, 2008 on 10:51 pm
Sara –
Thank you for sharing with us how the Lord is leading you on this journey.
Love and prayers,
Alina
on February 19, 2008 on 11:13 pm
We are praying for you tonight, Sara! He will be glorified! We will not give up our hope to the enemy. You are His child. You are a child of the King, of the mighty creator.
And I will pray that God will bring you to mind in those moments you need prayer. And that He will give you the faith to walk the one inch you need to walk tomorrow.
We love you!
Love,
Deanna
on February 19, 2008 on 11:27 pm
Dear Sara,
I thought of these quotations when reading the latest entry on the blog:
“Courage is resistance to fear, mastery of fear – not absence of fear.”
Mark Twain (1835 – 1910)
Your courage is inspirational to watch, all the more so because you let us look the fear in the eye alongside of you.
“Character cannot be developed in ease and quiet. Only through experience of trial and suffering can the soul be strengthened, ambition inspired, and success achieved.”
Helen Keller (1880 – 1968)
Your character is morphing from merely beautiful to stunningly gorgeous. Thank you for the example of grace under fire.
Love,
Jessica
on February 19, 2008 on 11:37 pm
I’ve been looking for this entry every hour on the hour today. Right here with you, Sara.
on February 20, 2008 on 12:57 am
Oh Sweet Sara, Praise the Lord for your indelible courage and trust in Him. Truly, it can not be easy but when it comes from Him, He makes a way to trust the outcome. One can not describe the supernatural strength that comes in situations like this, but you have certainly given a glimpse of it in your blog. Thank you for being so transparent. My prayers are with you and I can’t wait to see what the Almighty is going to do in and through you!
on February 20, 2008 on 4:21 am
Sara-I read your story & pathology report about an hour ago. I am reminded that twice in my life two different verses of scripture came to my mind with such clarity that it was like hearing a voice. I think this may be what you’re describing that you experienced “with such clarity and certainty.” I would like to refer you to Exodus 17 when Moses, Aaron and Hur went up to the top of a hill when Joshua was battling Amalek….whenever Moses held up his hands Israel prevailed; whenever he lowered his hands, Amalek prevailed. Verses 11-13: “But Moses’ hands grew weary; so they took a stone and put it under him, and he sat on it. Aaron and Hur held up his hands, one on one side, and the other on the other side; so his hands were steady until the sun set. And Joshua defeated Amalek and his people with the sword.” I think all the family and friends that are praying for you and supporting you, Chris and the children are the Aaron and Hur of your lives. You have a place to rest and family and friends will hold up your arms when you are weary. May the peace of the Lord be always with you.
on February 20, 2008 on 9:08 am
Dear Sara,
We continue to be much in prayer for you as you continue along this journey of faith. We praise God for the increase in faith He is giving you and the conforming of your will to His as you ask him for these things. God is truly showing you (and us through you) that He is worthy of all of our praise – no matter what the circumstances. Thanks for reminding us that He longs for us to be satisfied in Him alone – not Him plus health or long life or escape from suffering or whatever. May your delight and trust in Him grow more with each passing day.
With Love,
Steve and Beth
on February 20, 2008 on 9:39 am
Your relationship with God is amazing and I am so inspired by you. Know that I am praying for complete healing for you and can’t wait to see what the future brings for you and your family.
on February 20, 2008 on 9:40 am
Thank you Sara for sharing what the Lord impressed upon your heart leading up to getting the pathalogy report back yesterday. I am thankful for the way in which God is preparing you each and every step of the way. We will continue to pray that God gives you His assurance, courage, strength, and grace to keep pressing on! We love you!
Rachel
on February 20, 2008 on 1:44 pm
Dear Sara,
Not the news you wanted, I know that. But you are strong and courageous, and you will get through this!
I’ve put your tentative chemo starting date on my calendar, and I would love to help with the kids as much as possible. We enjoyed having them over here on Monday. Lucy and Rachel played together so well. I will be happy to take the kids during and after your treatments, whenever needed.
We are all thinking about you every day…
Love, Jenny & family
on February 20, 2008 on 1:58 pm
Sara,
It has been nothing short of awe inspiring (the glory be to God) to see how the Lord has held you up through this whole process and how you have pressed hard into Him. We are so thankful for you Sara! We continue to pray alongside you, your family, and many friends for your healing and for God’s glory to shine brightly through a situation, that to many, would seem to have no hope. Romans 5:1-5. Stand firm in His grace!
Kira and Andy
on February 20, 2008 on 5:53 pm
Sara,
Having been down the road where you are going albeit with a different kind of cancer, I understand your thoughts, emotions, and arguments with God. I am once again reminded of the hymn by William Cowper concerning God’s “dark Providence”
God moves in a mysterious way
His wonders to perform;
He plants His footsteps in the sea
And rides upon the storm.
Deep in unfathomable mines
Of never failing skill
He treasures up His bright designs
And works His sovereign will.
Ye fearful saints, fresh courage take;
The clouds ye so much dread
Are big with mercy and shall break
In blessings on your head
Judge not the Lord by feeble sense,
But trust Him for His grace;
Behind a frowning providence
He hides a smiling face.
His purposes will ripen fast,
Unfolding every hour;
The bud may have a bitter taste,
But sweet will be the flower
.
Blind unbelief is sure to err
And scan His work in vain;
God is His own interpreter,
And He will make it plain.
You are ever in my thoughts and prayers.
Dottie
on February 21, 2008 on 1:22 am
Sara – We love you and continue to pray. Thank you for your confidence in Christ the Healer. If you can rely on him for this huge thing, hmm… I think that puts a lot of little things in perspective. Your life is a blessing to so many people.
on February 21, 2008 on 5:10 pm
Sara,
What you may not realize is that you are already an oak tree! It’s your deep and strong roots in the Lord that are holding you in place at a time when those flimsy bushes and dogwood trees might have broken and blown away. Though God uses us weak and broken vessels, those that are indwelt by His Spirit cannot be cast about or torn asunder by the winds of this world. So, an oak of righteousness is indeed what you are, and His spendor is fully on display in and through you!
When Nicholas was in the hospital back when he was having all his problems he had one particular doctor that used to subtly but purposefully tell us every time he saw us to “keep the faith!” Advice that helped us well at the time. And advice that will no doubt serve you well now in your time of trial.
We miss you and we’re praying for you every day down here in the ‘burg.
Love,
Jim & Lisa
on February 21, 2008 on 8:43 pm
Sara,
Thank you for your example of faith and trust in the Lord. You are in our prayers…rest assured that the Lord is ALREADY using you to minister to others through this trial. Praise the Lord who has numbered the very hairs on your head.
Love
Susan, Steve, Emma, Lillian, & Riley
on February 21, 2008 on 8:51 pm
Sara,
I have been praying for you each day. Thank you for your heart wrenching honesty as you go on this journey. You have made me reevaluate my own faith.
love and prayers,
Laura Battle
on February 22, 2008 on 8:07 am
Sara,
Thanks so much for sharing as you are indeed a witness and testimony to the Lord!
We continue to pray for you.
Love,
The Veenstra’s
on February 22, 2008 on 3:24 pm
Sara,
We continue to pray for you all the time. As we await the results of your PET scan, we are continuing to ask God to heal you completely.
Your story about God’s assurance of healing was so powerful and encouraging. I shared with my children what you had shared, and we rejoiced in the way that God was speaking clearly to you. What a miracle!
Right after reading your blog, I read a devotion to them out of a book. It told the story of 2 Kings 2:19-22 where the water of a town was bad, and the people asked Elisha for help. He got a bowl of salt and threw it inot the spring. Elisha said, “This is what the Lord says: ‘I have healed this water. Never again will it cause death or make the land unproductive.’” And the water has remained wholesome to this day, according to the word Elisha had spoken.” Do you know that in Jericho today the best spring is called Elisha’s Fountain, and it is believed to be the same spring where God healed the waters?
I am claiming for you the same healing power that God used to heal that spring. It’s amazing to think that that water is still “healed” thousands of years later. Clearly, when God heals, He HEALS! And we — like so many others — are praying for God to do that for you.
We love you,
Michelle and Kerry